40 Years of Bemusement

Published on 20 March 2023 at 19:09

My name is Matt, a very average man hurtling uncontrollably towards middle age with a busted sat-nav, desperately scrabbling to unearth the speckles of sense from all the nonsense.


          41 years I've been in existence on this colossal mystery, struggling, like countless others of my vintage, to understand just what the holy hell is actually going on. On the flip side it's fair to say, there's countless others on the opposite side of the fence, not letting bemusement take hold of their minds - because they don't concern themselves with such trivial matters. 


Bemusement doesn't rule them. They just get on with what's in front of them and sometimes I'm jealous of that. They're not cursed with over-analysing things that don't need to be touched. 


Now by no means do I live a life different from many others. I have a steady business, a humble reasonably well-kept abode, a partner that keeps me in check and stops my head from venturing too far into the fluffy clouds and I have carefully honed 'hunter/gatherer' skills that have allowed me to master the Self-Scan at Tesco.




It would be nice though, to be able to drive the 2.2 miles to the nearby supermarket without a mental gremlin tapping the side of my skull and whispering into my ear,


'Sorry to bother you, but I've been rattling randomly around your slightly underwhelming head space and I've come across a few trivial pointless thoughts that you've stored away and most likely forgotten all about. Would you like me to grab a few and push them out into the outside world for no one to hear? Before you answer, there's a lovely parking spot just up ahead.' 


Unfortunately I am blessed with a ever rolling mind that rarely gets me anywhere apart from the next episode of pointless pondering. I think some of us are born to wonder, to fill the silences, to ask other unwilling participants to wonder along with us and to be able expertly dodge any opposing abuse or aerodynamic coasters that get violently launched at us because of our ridiculous requests. 


We perhaps can't get our head around the fact that some people can stroll around an area of Devon's natural beauty without a pesky random thought tugging at their brain's trouser leg, like a frightened 4 year old, to ask it to consider whether or not it thinks crows have nightmares. 


"I suppose the aim is for my thoughts to resonate with other 40 somethings at a similar crossroads."



If you've made it through this waffle this far then I applaud you. I wish that I had made a viable point - I apologise for leaving you disappointed. The reason why I'm talking about wonderings and ponderings is that most of these tickle my itchy brain on a daily basis searching for some clarity on this unhinged, unpredictable journey of life.


I know it's a massively broad subject, 'life', but there's just so much that confuses, befuddles and baffles me that apparently my brain has ordered me to write about it. And I will no doubt be no better off for it. This experimental blog, serving at the moment, an unknown purpose, is the latest of a collection of new ideas designed for me to shed some light on my existence, my role in society and where I go from here. Ok, so, I suppose that's a purpose.


Even attempting a blog seems quite alien to me. Sure, do I like to share my opinions? Of course. But who am I? I sit here now, no more important than anyone else, with a brand new website that I have no clue what to do with. I'm swaying one way then the other on whether it's even a feasible idea. I like the idea but I think I lack the required expertise. I suppose the aim is for my thoughts to resonate with other 40 somethings at a similar crossroads who maybe can relate to my trivial struggles.


Perhaps we can stand in our pants on our respective landings at 3am staring out into the darkness hoping that some higher power will spell it out for us. But they won't, they'll just be peeping from a far distance, cheekily chuckling to themselves watching us standing in our pants wishing for answers.  



A blog from a 41 year old questioning whether it's accurate or even relevant. A 41 year old writing off the cuff, just instinct. 'Yeah, we can tell mate.' I can hear the groans already.


It may well be drivel and dross but it'll be honest drivel and dross. I have no real idea of what's ahead (no doubt my mental gremlin will tell me), but it might be fun having a go. We'll just have to roll them dice. I can see doors in front of me - but I've lost the keys. 


"Hoping some higher power will spell it out for us."


I am very much in the dark and I have no idea if anyone will take the time to read, to enjoy or to relate to my thoughts, humour and waffle. I'm unsure whether it's a midlife thing, the Covid lockdowns or just natural evolution that's pushed me into this, but here it is.


Hopefully it'll fill some small silences (see, told you we like to do that). I'm just an unsupervised Matthew, an overthinking ticking timebomb, detonating on common sense and finding some sort of mental release. A hazardous wondering wanderer attempting to navigate an unknown abyss.


Watch this space. Watch this space? Nobody says that anymore do they? What am I even typing?


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